dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
