Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
