Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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