i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
