In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
