i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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