If i come over, it means nothing
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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