a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
