Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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