It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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