everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
