Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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