So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
