youre lurking in front of me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
