I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's just like the Real World with babies
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
