Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
