In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
