Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
