You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
