I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
