She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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