So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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