dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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