Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
