It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
