just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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