I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Houston, we have a squirter
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
