All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can I color on your dick again?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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