you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
