i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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