im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
