how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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