My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have aggressive nipples.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
