I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
