Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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