were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
