So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
