some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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