yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
