i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
