people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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