just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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