Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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