Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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