speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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