Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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