It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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