you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
