i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Someone shattered a urinal.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
