"it" just moved
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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