I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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